July 14th, 2010
As usual my feed is quite predictable... my magic crystal ball predicts the following for tomorrow:
Someone’s Performing Daily Vandalism. Girl likes boy or boy likes girl... way too fucking much. In an attempt to get attention or perpetuate the delusion that there “may be something there”, he/she riddles their page (and anyone else’s posts on in) with nonsense... kinda like a territorial pissing contest, but more annoying than entertaining. I think territorial pissing should be left to men... at least they do it a lot better... either way, get off my feed. read more »
Blondness [thoughts], Men + Women, social networks | 
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June 13th, 2010
“You know that good girl that you somehow managed to get, the one that’s always there for you, that you trust with your everything, that puts up with your bullshit, that you walk all over because you know she will always forgive you, the one you know will always take you back... because she doesn’t care about who you are, your looks or your money... because she actually loves your sorry ass and will never ever leave you? Yea... Her. She is going to ruin your life. She is not going to take half of everything you got, she is going to take everything there is to take.... and you’ll probably cry over her for the rest of your life. Just trust me on that one.“
–Me (08.10.09)
Maybe I was a bit emotional when I said that 10 months ago... but only because it was my third time delivering a message that had been twice ignored. Today, divorce papers in hand, I’m betting he wishes he responded differently. read more »
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October 8th, 2009
Sometimes you get tied up in a person. You don’t know why. They never did anything to deserve it. They just smiled at you from across the gym or held the door open or remembered to pick up some stupid item at the grocery store... and all of a sudden you can’t see past them. You tell yourself you’re friends now. You tell yourself that’s all it is. You know that’s all it will ever be (at best). But there is a single fucking cell in you somewhere that carries some kind of ridiculous hope that one day, for one second, they might just fucking love you. You don’t even want it. You want it to go the fuck away. But its a damn cancer. A virus. A plague. Like a fucking shard of glass in your left ventricle. Bleeding profusely at every scrap of attention they throw your way. Of course they care about you (probably more than about most of their “top friends”), but they don’t love you, not even a little bit, not even with one muscle fiber of their being. They’d never do anything to hurt you. Yet they cut you open with each thoughtless remark and don’t have a fucking clue....
read more »
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August 10th, 2009
Throw enough shit against a wall, some will stick. Ladies, why are you trying to impersonate “shit”? Seriously. Think about it. Send out a search party for your self-esteem, as you seem to have misplaced it somewhere. It is a statistical impossibility that every girl on Facebook had a daddy that didn’t tell her she was beautiful and a mother that didn’t teach her how to be a “Lady”. Regardless of what the problem is, please take whatever steps necessary to fix it. I always said... figure out what you want, figure out how you’re going to get it, execute plan. It’s OK to not really know what you want in a guy, it’s OK to try to figure that part out... usually you will have a pretty clear picture of what you want after you realize what you don’t. Hell, it’s even OK to not want a guy, nothing wrong with remaining single and merely browsing through cock (you might even find one you like enough to suck for more than 15 seconds), I suppose. But whatever your purpose, you should make that clear (at the very least to yourself). Also, whatever method you choose in trying to fulfill said purpose (i.e. trying to find a boyfriend, dating, random sex, etc.) should not reek of desperation. It’s not cute. It’s pathetic. If you want to date, be a lady about it. If you just want to fuck the shit out of some cute guy you don’t know and would prefer to not know his name... do that, by all means... but do it with dignity. read more »
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March 17th, 2009
To add to the list of utterances that are unacceptable of any y-chromosome bearing individual:
{“kiss me through the phone”}
Also on the list is any use of the word “Snuggle” without reference to the fabric softener.....
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September 20th, 2008
So, a Friday night or two ago I meet this boy guy, who is, to say the least, good looking fucking hot. In the spur of the moment (and completely random 3AM traffic) we exchange numbers and go our ways. About 20 minutes after giving him my number, I forgot his name... by morning I forgot I even met the guy. To make the long story short.... Ring ring goes the phone over a week later. It’s Traffic Guy, who insists I not go to work and see him at once (demanding aren’t we?!). If memory serves me right, he seemed like a pretty good excuse to try to get out of having to go to work, even though it took him a week to call me. He picks me up, spends about 20 minutes rationalizing not calling sooner, telling me about how “work” got in the way (doesn’t it always?). I usually dont blow off work for random cute guys I meet in traffic, but he had personality... and I’m a sucker for a cute guy with a personality.... read more »
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August 2nd, 2008
I made a New Year’s resolution, quite a few months back...
“The next guy I wake up sleep with, I will give a fuck about” I decided at the stroke of midnight, January 1, 2008*. A whole new year ahead, to be a whole new me. Yes, this is the same resolution I make every year, it seems, but I was sure that this time it would somehow be different. I can resolve to “fall in love”, but that would be way too Carrie Bradshaw, and I don’t really “fall in love” on cue... so intending to have meaningful sex with boys that actually mean something to me seemed like a doable alternative.... read more »
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May 3rd, 2008
So this girl comes up to me today at this random gym I decided to work out at for the day with the kind greeting of “You fucked my boyfriend!” Bewildered, surprised and at a loss of words, the only thing I could mumble out was... “Ummm...... ok”. I decided to further investigate the issue before simply saying “Oops, he wasn’t labeled”...
She wouldn’t tell me her name, or the name of the boyfriend in question and from what I could tell, she had no clue what my name was.... but she absolutely KNEW that I was the girl that her Mr.Wonderful had done something with at some point in the past. As I mentally recited my entire sexual history, I made the mistake of asking her why she was still with the asshole if he had cheated on her (whether it was with me or not, was completely irrelevant). Unsure of the answer to my question, and without the slightest clue of what she had hoped to accomplish with this unanticipated encounter, she stormed away.... Weird....
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April 3rd, 2008
I don’t quite know how I got here. 
My bags unpacked, boxes stacked in the hall, the smell of dinner still in the air, I make my way into the kitchen to put away the leftovers. I am playing house, I tell myself. This is just a game. We are all 10 year olds and the furniture is Fisher Price. I push reality away: I just moved in with a guy I’ve been dating for not nearly long enough to be sharing a living space with. Come to think of it no real “dating” occurred. I wasn’t really “moved in”, I was “staying” at his new place until I found my own. A week and a half of this living arrangement later, I was still procrastinating with the apartment search. I liked having someone to live with, someone to come home to, someone to eat dinner with before I fell asleep while watching TV. My moving in...er... “staying over” for an indefinite period of time was his idea. He insisted and although uncomfortable with the idea, after a few weeks I complied. I look over at him across the room: my boyfriend. The words just don’t sit right on my tongue. I have a boyfriend? Yes, I do. A perfect boyfriend, who has a real job, who doesn’t do ANY drugs, does not read more »
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August 12th, 2007
I crawl out of bed and head for his laptop... can’t sleep, so I’ll blog for lack of anything better to do. I woke up with this guy... one of those guys that during the morning hours looks good only when naked in bed, completely expressionless and silent. Sadly, this is the extent of his attraction, because like many who came before him, when he does open his mouth, you come to the immediate realization that you just fucked someone with a double digit IQ... something that is as unacceptable as it is painful to admit, and utterly unbearable combined with the seemingly lethal hangover presumably accompanying the experience....
[i swear to god i wrote this before]
read more »
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July 13th, 2007
The Fourth Commandment of One-Night Stands states that one must not leave incriminating evidence: I delete the pictures from his camera while fiddling with my shoe’s ankle strap as he does something to his hair in the bathroom. Quickly perusing through the remaining photos, I confirm that he is, in fact...
a total douchebag.
Douchebag has a sick apartment, I must say. Looking down at the lights of South Beach, I wonder if my friends are still at the same place I left them... I feel semi-guilty (because I seem to have established a small pattern of ditching this same group of guys to go play with... come to think of it, it was usually the same person). I search for his cell phone while I hear the water run... “3 Missed Calls” from a “Mandy”. Mandy left 3 voice mails and i’m going to guess none of them are pleasant. I delete the entry with my number: an entry he misspelled. [major pet-peeve] read more »
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July 13th, 2007
Why? Because people just can’t seem to get shit right.
- Thou shalt use a condom.
Self-explanatory.
- Thou shalt not fuck thy friends.
Friends are off limits. This had been tested and retested and it has been concluded that the person MUST be a stranger. Fucking someone you hang out with every weekend defeats the purpose of it being a 1-Night-Stand... and is a good way to make things complicated... MUST...
a. you realize you want more
b. they realize they want more
c. they assume they got upgraded to fuckbuddy-status and want sex every time they see you... and you just... don’t.
d. things just become weird
...either way it’s an unnecessary headache. Good-bye friendship... at least for a while. There is plenty stranger-cock out there, so leave friend-cock off limits. read more »
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Mood : Amazed 