Mood : Amazed 
Sometimes you get tied up in a person. You don’t know why. They never did anything to deserve it. They just smiled at you from across the gym or held the door open or remembered to pick up some stupid item at the grocery store... and all of a sudden you can’t see past them. You tell yourself you’re friends now. You tell yourself that’s all it is. You know that’s all it will ever be (at best). But there is a single fucking cell in you somewhere that carries some kind of ridiculous hope that one day, for one second, they might just fucking love you. You don’t even want it. You want it to go the fuck away. But its a damn cancer. A virus. A plague. Like a fucking shard of glass in your left ventricle. Bleeding profusely at every scrap of attention they throw your way. Of course they care about you (probably more than about most of their “top friends”), but they don’t love you, not even a little bit, not even with one muscle fiber of their being. They’d never do anything to hurt you. Yet they cut you open with each thoughtless remark and don’t have a fucking clue....
October 8th, 2009
